Polyamory

I ran across this article in the NYT online on polyamory. What is polyamory? That would depend on who you talked to, as people have different interpretations of what constitutes a poly relationship. And often, it gets confused with the swinger’s lifestyle.

The difference between swingers and poly culture is that swinging is more about the act of having multiple physical partners, while polyamory is about a relationship with more than one partner. Poly involves an emotional attachment to someone other than your primary partner.

At first glance, many people assume that polyamorous couples (and swingers) are using the concept of an open relationship to “fix” problems within a marriage. While it does happen, people in both lifestyles will tell you that the core of the relationship needs to be rock solid, or the issues of either lifestyle could easily end a relationship.

 And studies have shown that couples that participate in swinging not only have a more positive view of marriage, but also have a more positive view of the world in general.

Is it the road for everyone? Not at all. For most, the fantasy of multiple partners, or the idea of a side lover is quite enough. And thats absolutely fine. Many people in the swinging community will tell you that there are many couples who enjoy the openness of conversation but never venture into participation.  Whatever your comfort level, thats the right place for you.

 

Sex & Role Play

There can be nothing more fun to add to your sexual repertoire than sexual role play. And the role play itself isn’t really what is important. The important part is that it is an opportunity to act out fantasies with your partner in a safe environment. Being able to share your fantasies with your partner builds trust and intimacy.

 You don’t need lavish costumes or be an Oscar winning actor or actress to effectively role play. A tantalizing role playing sexual encounter is about creating a certain level of escape, exploring themes, and of course, having fun. Sex can, and should, at times have a certain level of play and playfulness to it. If it weren’t fun, we probably wouldn’t be talking about it now.

 It is important to remember that is it fantasy, and your partner sharing their fantasies and acting them out is special. It’s special that they trust enough to be able to share, and not be made to feel bad for their fantasies or role playing ideas. There are many theories, and incidents from life that make us attracted to certain ideas and concepts, from school girl fantasies to more fetish type fantasies. Regardless of what you may hear or think, they are all shared by millions of people, and are, in fact, normal.

 The most important rule is to remember that is is fun, and to have clear boundaries set. When your session of fantasy role playing is over, it’s over.  While talking about the session and what was enjoyable is OK, it is not OK to think of your partner differently because of their fantasies or by them enjoying the session. As a matter of fact, it means that you were successful in having your partner feel comfortable enough to “let go” and escape into the fantasy role play that you created.

 

Fantasy & Exploration

Forbidden Door

Originally uploaded by elfinpoet

 

 

Fantasy and exploration are a healthy part of every aspect of life. The same holds true with in the boundaries of our sexuality. People are always curious on how Pete & I developed the ability to have such an open and honest dialogue.

The short answer is communication. It’s not something that happened overnight, and for us, was a very organic process that took place over a long period of time. It was deeper and deeper levels of trust, and deeper levels of sharing, always taking in a bit of information, and then taking the time needed to digest and understand the information given us.

Maybe the hardest part was being able to listen to concepts that flew in the face of everything that I had been taught about men and relationships, and learn to open my ears and thoughts, and understand what I was being told. Yes, there were things hard to hear, or things that took a very long time to understand.

And through it all, I learned that the journey, not the destination was the true success. Even if you never reach the goal, but have learned to communicate with your partner on a different level, you are much further along than most people.

There are many possibilities for exploration, including swinging, BDSM, role play, fetish and more. What they have in common is the need to respect your partner, take things slow, and enjoy the ability to share your fantasies with your partner.