More on your first toy purchase

Finding the right toy can become very daunting, even to the most sex savvy.

Sorry men, this is for the girls.

 
Ladies, I can only say it’s much like going down the feminine product aisle. We all know what the product does and we all start out with the basics. Years ago, we had but a few items to choose from. Over time, the market has been flooded with items containing new bells, whistles and wings. We wade through the options and find our favorite item to be the one that works best of our body and personal needs. The same holds true with toys.

For stress relief, there’s nothing quite like the simple hum & pure pleasure of a good adult toy. Choosing the right vibrator can be anything but simple. With the multitude of sizes, shapes, colors, functions and materials available, it’s no surprise some women feel overwhelmed by the thought of having to select one.

Which vibrator will bring  the most pleasure? The most pleasureful toy would be the one that ‘WORKS’ for you.

What if I find out I’m not a toy person or I don’t like it after i buy it? Everyone is a toy person. If you enjoy sex, you are a toy person, you maybe just have to find the one that floats your boat. The best toys are not always the most flashy & fancy. And with a little self honestly & exploration, you’ll find one that fits your wants & needs.

I don’t want to spend alot, price is a huge factor. Try clearance and sale items. Why not start with a “better” product at a price you can be comfortable with. In the constant and ever changing marketplace, more and more toys  end on the clearance shelf as they are replaced by something newer.  Just like with cars, new models and colors come out all the time, leaving the same toy in purple to be on the sale shelf as the new hot color replacing it is cherry red.

What I would suggest as a first toy would be something less intimidating, on the smaller side, in  pretty colors and NOT anatomically correct.
 
Some good things to remember:

1.  Size is not everything. Start with something small.
2.  Motor, motor, motor. Cheap motors don’t last long and  don’t always work as they should. Like sneakers, a good pair will fit and last stretching with your feet while a cheap pair might look OK, but will leave your feet cramped and unsatisfied.
3.  Price.  Try clearance and sale items where you can get a better product at a price you are comfortable with.
4. The Internet is a great place to shop and ask or email questions. If you are not comfortable walking into your local adult store, take full advantage of the anonymity of the Internet, and ask questions. Plus, items are typically shipped to you in a plain box. Can’t get any easier.
5.  Don’t put the task of buying a toy on your partner. It is a very personal choice that requires your input.

Finding the right first toy doesn’t have to be a stressful process.With just a basic understanding of your needs and an understanding of how certain vibrators can satisfy your needs, you’ll find one that will make you smile long into the future.
Happy Hunting.

Rebecca-a Rabbit lover, not a beginner toy

 

Toy shopping for women

The other day I stopped into an adult store for some lotions and other fun items. There are not a lot of choices in town when it comes to adult stores, but the thing they have in common is that they are sleazy, dark, and uninviting.

 As soon as I walked in, I was followed around as if I was going to steal something. For every item I touched, the salesman (who was rather creepy) kept coming over trying to explain everything to me in a condescending way. Many items were up too high to inspect without the assistance of a salesperson.

 Women are touchers, and like to comparison shop. All the lotions were behind glass, with limited samples to smell the fragrances.

 I don’t understand why they don’t cater more to women.  Women control the purse strings in many households, but will not shop in an environment that perpetuates the myth that buying adult novelties is low class and shameful. The shops are not sex positive or sexually empowering.

 If you were walking down the street and ten women passed you, how many of those women do you think would shop in the typical adult store? Maybe 1? But 5 or 6 probably own at least a vibrator. They are buying them somewhere.

In many areas, sex toy parties are quite popular, but still not the perfect environment for women to purchase sex toys. Especially those women looking to explore this area for the first time. Being in an atmosphere of their friends and coworkers, they are unlikely to ask the pertinent questions, and if they do purchase, they will purchase extremely feminine, conservative items in order to keep up appearances.

Why not a more open and hospitable atmosphere? Taking out our current recession, people today have three times the discretionary income than they had 50 years ago. And still they feel no more satisfied with their lives. Many economic studies have shown the extra discretionary income is being spent on personal fulfillment, whether it be self help books, health clubs, religious fulfillment, etc. This is considered a long term trend with sexuality being another fulfillment that is being explored.

If stores wanted to tap into this open market, they need to create a more sex friendly and sensual environment. Imagine a store like Victoria’s Secret that offered a range of sensual novelties. If I never had owned a toy before I would not want to spend $85.00 on my first one. After all, what if I didn’t like it? How would I even know which one was right for me to buy?
 
Without being educated or helped along by a knowledgeable sales person, most women are likely to buy a cheap toy made with hard plastic and a motor with hardly any power to vibrate. Many women will buy a first toy base on price. They usually don’t look at it as an investment in their pleasure, but more as an appliance purchase, about as much fun as buying a new blender. Low end toys hurt and are uncomfortable and can be a complete turnoff to toys. Women use it, have a bad experience thinking they are not the type to enjoy sex toys, and never even considering the possibility it was the toy itself. They may never revisit the use of toys again for many years, if at all.

And not every toy do you fall in love with. There is a learning curve to what is pleasurable to any woman. Some women prefer outside stimulation, while others prefer internal stimulation. It is a trial and error process in the beginning, but a store with a knowledgeable female staff can help narrow down the range of choices.

What about a store with lingerie for everyday women, not just twenty-something girls but real MILFs with unpleasant areas to cover and and an ass that will not do well in a thong. Offering delectable gourmet chocolates, aromatherapy incense and adult games & books alongside nighties, sexy robes, shoes and dresses in a brightly lit, modern boutique design would attract everyday women. A friendly, knowledgeable mostly women staff with a sensual counselor a few times a week for expert advise would help make a woman feel very special.

 
 Anything you buy from there, even  a bottle of massage oil or a box of chocolate would be a luxurious shopping event. With that type of setup, women wouldn’t feel weird if a friend or neighbor saw them walk into the store or noticed their vehicle parked out front.

My site here will evolve into that vision. But it is now, and will be women friendly and sex positive.

If you stimulate their interest, they will soon be stimulating themselves.

 

Women and Body Image

My husband recently took a trip with a friend, and along their route they thought they would stop in and visit a few strip clubs. I know this isn’t one of his favorite activities, but it was a male bonding trip, so he went along. When he returned home, he commented that things had changed alot since his last visit to a strip club some ten years ago. The girls, he claimed, were slightly larger in size, many had little stomachs like we get after having a baby, and very few fake boobs.

 ”And how do you feel about that?”, I asked, already knowing the answer.

 ”It was cool, they were very sexy. They were  ……. real women”, he replied.

 Exactly. Sure there will always be men who are attracted to the twenty year old cheerleader type. But the majority of men outgrow that, and start becoming attracted to something else. Men begin looking for a connection, or some sort of sign that they can relate to a woman. The twenty year old girl might be fun to look at real quick, but they no longer can keep his attention. He has already had the drama of an immature relationship, maybe even with the younger version of ourselves,  and now wants to be comfortable. 

 There was a time when I was slightly insecure about my body, and signs of age. Then I realized that men did not notice the things I had been taught were horrible disfigurements of age and childbirth. And if they did notice them, they were an assurance that I had a series of life experiences behind me that they could relate to. They were comforting that I was real, not hiding behind a facade, and had traveled down many of the same life’s journeys as they had.They were an affirmation to them, and now I treat them as the same.

 

Being In Mommy Mode

Here’s a theme that seems to be come up alot. Women, kids, sexuality. Guys are more sensitive than they let on. And they feel, whether they admit it or not, that they are pushed to the side, especially sexually, when kids enter the picture. And not just babies, but even teens. As women, we enter “Mommy Mode”, where we are pulled in ten different directions, and have little people that are dependent on us for their physical and emotional needs. More than draining, it comes to a point where we are sacrificing more of ourselves than we think we can give. The most severe “Mommy Mode” lasts until the youngest kids are about 10. As they start to gain independence, we gain a little more time to ourselves. But we still retain a little guilt on using some time to pamper ourselves.

 That’s just how we are hard wired. Kids even come before the woman herself. And, on top of that, we are raised to have a certain expectation of how a Mom should act. And our husbands expecting us being a sexual tigress after changing diapers and running kids all over town are not very compatible. It’s not how a Mom is supposed to act.

 Being in Mommy mode, women don’t often  properly take care of themselves, and not just physically. They don’t have time to care for themselves, it’s a job that you have to work 24/7. There’s even a guilt factor in taking a simple pleasure like  a long bath.

 The only way it goes away is when the kids are old enough to be independent, and require less attention. Then, by default, a woman starts to realize how much she has neglected herself.  Many times, she doesn’t even realize she was in Mommy Mode. I think it’s part of the reason a woman doesn’t reach her sexual peak until her late thirties, early fourties. It’s nature’s way of keeping priorities.

 And yes, this is a time that men can deviate from the plan, looking for a way to explore, and not feel they are sitting on the sidelines. They usually look at porn online, and it goes no further. But let’s be honest here, some guys do go the steps further and look elsewhere for physical and emotional support. And the emotional support thing is the one that seems to hurt even more.

 Personally, I don’t think we should get our back up or jump off the deep end when we see our spouses online looking a naked pics of women. But we do need to learn to take better care of ourselves and add our spouses into the mix a little more.

 There’s no reason we can’t create a schedule and take a certain time to put ourselves first. We deserve it. Our mental and physical health needs a set break to take a nice nap, followed by a nice quiet bubble bath, and a few hours of being pampered by our mates.

And at first it seems rather gratuitous and selfish to send the kids off to the in-laws for a night, while you are home thinking about nothing but yourself. It’s even hard to enjoy it at first. And I’ll bet anything that once you do learn to relax, you fall asleep early! It’s just another sign of how much you needed the break. Enjoy it, and don’t treat it as a dissapointment or a waste of time. After a bit, you’ll find the routine with no TV, and no kids, to sit back and learn to enjoy a few hours of just talking and laughing with your spouse, talking about yourselves and not the kids or how many loads of laundry you need to still get done.

We need to reprogram ourselves, and understand that we can’t be our best for our kids or our spouses unless we take care of ourselves first.